Ramblings of A Madman AKA A list of random faults that plague Indian Films

As much as I try to avoid being prosaic, metaphors such as sinking ship, last waltz and the ever popular 'last reel' keep springing to mind. Therefore I have decided not to list the obvious and oft repeated grudges(script, screenplay, etc etc etc). Here then is my list, which I have compiled in less than 15 minutes, while being amply stuffed with carbohydrates, fats and whatever is in beer. And cheese.
Take it or leave it KJo

1.) Sound
Bollywood(apologies for the use of this blanket term, find me another that has as many or lesser syllables and I shall happily convert) isn't really big on sound except if its music you're talking about. Sound isn't recorded on set, just the actions, and the actors 'dub' the voices later in the studio. No ambient sound is recorded, stock sounds are added at the editing stage. Sometimes they just forget. So you get two characters walking in the middle of a busy street and all you hear are their peculiarly relaxed voices( as in they sit in air-conditioned rooms when the voices are recorded), a crow and a car horn that honks intermittently. Watch Madhur Bhandarkar's Page 3, you'll know what i'm talking about
If the film is shot in 'synch sound'. it makes for a substantial news item in most Bolly-rags;that should tell you something.

2.) Marketing
Marketing in B-town means getting your star on to a bunch of reality TV shows where they use the word 'mind-blowing' about 17 million times. The only thing we can learn from LA is the handling of the business...Least you could do is watch Entourage,,,

3.) Absence of quality television
Television in India is the pits. Especially prime time television. A couple of names happened to catch my attention on the Tata Sky guide...bear in mind all these shows air from 8.00 to 10.30:

Mata Ki Chowki ( Hinglish:The Mother's station?)
Woh Rehni Wali Mehlon Ki(Hinglish:She lived in palaces)
Betiyaan(Hinglish: daughters)
Balika Wadhu(Hinglish: i''m guessing Child Bride.....)

I'd like to meet the people who find these shows entertaining especially the last one which from the promos seems to be a weird concoction of Rajasthani folk drama and good ol' child abuse....
Sarabhai vs Sarabhai to me is the only Hindi TV show that seems moderately entertaining. In case the TV stations have come to their senses thanks to divine intervention and have started broadcasting quality entertainment let me know, cause i'vve pretty much given up on TV.

ABSENCE OF GOOD TV LEADS TO FILM-WALLAHS wanting to make ENTER-FUCKING-TAINING films...

forgive my outburts, i'm morbidly depressed

4.) Professionalism
see point 2...(watch entourage,),,

5.) sorry, breaking my own rule here.....
script script script....

no studio except UTV puts in the effort to study scripts and structures....yash raj doesn't even bother to come up with character names...Raj and Rahul will do just fine....


these as the title suggests are the rambling of a mad-man....If an industry such as this can pass of Abhishek Bachchan who has a bigger beer paunch than me as a superhero.....or Vidya Malavde, the hottei goalie from Chak De as Minnisha Lambas mother, i have not much else to say...

I conclude, rather humbly, by providing the link of a masterful scene from the great auteur Manoj Kumar who's movies have influenced more people than the cinema of Ray, Godard, Kurosawa or Scorsese. The gem of a movie is called CLERK.

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=zYBJQX0L0QA